Positively Unstoppable isn’t just physical health
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Its time to try and kick this back up again. I have had a bit of a slope and some heavy days in terms of trying to motivate myself, and keep myself doing DDPY, balancing it with eating better, all the responsibilities that come with being the senior tenant in a house. dreaming up millions, and in truth, the last week or so. I found that i’ve been very comtemplative.
These posts obviously are branded and leaning towards the Positively Unstoppable Challenge, and the changes it entails in terms of my physical and mental health, so i feel its important then to not only talk about the physical part but also the mental health portion of this. I am from way way before this challenge popped up, an advocate of talking to someone or much like i’m doing here, don’t keep it to yourself if something is up, or have an outlet to express what you think. Physically put it somewhere through words or expression how you feel, and you will see that you alleviate yourself of the pressure you build up for yourself.
I am much like everyone else in that i let days go to waste with negativity over something or other in my life. And for 10 years or so, as opposed to letting tension and ill-will build inside me, i write in my notepad app, in a little book, or something akin to it, and have found it dispels those things for me quickly. Could be my exact thoughts, could be lyrics. Essays worth of text that will never see that light of day or be seen by other eyes then my own. For the sake of keeping myself the way that people generally perceive me. Calm, witty, collected, and sensible. Recently, since the last post of this even, i have felt stuck, apprehensive, and doubtful. Things like, This Dissertation is coming up next year, will i actually manage to do this, have i made a mistake and bit over more than i can chew in studying for this degree, going to a foreign country to seek personal fulfilment and happiness that i couldn’t find at home. I am still young, though getting older, is there a point where reality should kick in and pull my down? What is my reality a year from now with my adventure as a student in winchester coming to a close for better of worse?
More doubts creep in. Is this what i am? Have i been on earth for 26 years to find that this is my peak? Being a student, having found a crop of new friends, and a new direction in life. Am i truly happy, or am i telling myself that i am happy based on my circumstance? Am i completely out of my mind, stupid and ambitious beyond my ability with this very website that i keep touting that i have built from the bottom up? What more can i do? What areas do i see with myself that i would want things to improve, but don’t seem to do anything?
But then, however many doubts kick in and tell me that my mouth is writing checks my ass can’t cash. However many things i see in myself in the mirror that id like to be improved upon, however many past experiences and memories that find their way back into my head. Something or other this entire week has brought me back up to where i usually find myself. While the work in doing something like this website is a damn near insurmountable and absolutely daunting task do complete alone. Its still made it to this point using my creativity and my time, and that alone. The work with my fellow students, and the amount of tasks and readings are starting to catch up to me. But however much it may be, people have done it before me, i can do it too.
This week, while not really speaking to anyone about this headspace. I have had someone that has pulled me up, that motivates me in just being there, in her smiles, in her embraces, in her demeanour, in falling asleep next to me or on me. Merely in her presence near me, i have found that i want to be better, that i want to be that reliable and achieving person, i want to be better. She is that key driving force for me, and lifts me right back up when i’ve been doubting myself.
The support of others, and surrounding oneself with good people, is vital. and even in writing this post, spelling out the stuff i had lingering in my head, i feel rejuvenated, i feel as though i made a right choice in everything to this point. and ill always have days where getting up and out of bed, cooking good food, going to uni and lectures, doing the readings, communicating to my groups, working on the website, or even doing my DDPY, I’ll always have days where these things are more difficult to do. And i’m not the kind that will lie to myself and say i can’t or won’t, because i know i can and i will. and thats the biggest task i face in the P.U.C, it isn’t doing the DDPY, It isn’t getting abs and the 90 kgs of muscle on my carcass. The biggest task, and the biggest achievement ill get coming out of this, is focus. Not eliminating doubts, but solving them, not regimenting myself, but recognising and working through when days are tougher. All the stuff is easy, the getting around to doing it is the hurdle i want to put in my rearview and want to be able to say in June that i feel like i mastered.
This post has been that transparent and reflective to write that i’ve felt tears pressing behind my eyes. It wasn’t tough to write, it however to me stands out as, i have all the answer and i know well what i have to do, I just have to put it more actively into practice.
Start, and don’t stop. Lets do this!
Thanks for reading!