My experience with mental health

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My experience with mental health

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Hello! Thanks for reading. Today is a mental health day. For some this day means more to them than others. Other people are aware of mental illness, and support their friends or family who do. Mental health is something most of us cannot avoid. So therefore it is something worth talking about.

I suffer from a mental illness. I used to have severe depression, it got so bad I got very close to committing suicide. I didn’t cut myself but I realised a few years later I had another coping mechanism; I used to slap myself in the face and the pain would help me cope for a while. I isolated myself in my room and did not have the energy to get out of bed and do anything. When it came to the future I had no thoughts concerning it and merely assumed I would get a shit job and stay in bed forever.

I fought hard to unclog myself and drop all the baggage that was my depression. I didn’t feel like a weight was lifted but I did realise good changes in myself. I realised I was finally becoming the person I was meant to be. When you think about the person you are meant to become, you might think about a job or careers. That is not what I am talking about. At this time I still had no idea what was my dream job.

The universe told me I was meant to become someone who laughed a lot.

I was meant to be someone who can openly talk about what other people dodge. I can talk about my depression because it’s a stigma I want to break. If you can comfortably talk about it, it doesn’t become so bad does it. It’s a very personal subject to me, and I will never forgive anyone who has told a person with a mental illness to ‘get over it’. The other worse kinds of people are the ones who fake it. You types of people are assholes and if you happen to be reading this, then fuck you.

I still have anxiety, which means now that the drag of depression is no longer causing me to think in the past, I have been catapulted into the future and anxiety clings to me like a parasite. I’m learning to let go of things and focusing on what’s important, however. I am getting better albeit slowly.

So what is the wider world doing about these kinds of mental illnesses? Well, pretty much fuck all. Suicide rates are at an all time high. The government doesn’t give a shit, let’s bear in mind that if they put the resources in, they’d have to spend money that could go towards themselves instead. And all too many people similar to Karens (boomers) love trampling on other people like us and spitting on us.

Spit back. I let people walk all over me when I had depression. I shut myself off to everyone. My mum told me she thought I was just going through ‘some teenager stuff’. No I was contemplating my own death. I pushed her away so much she couldn’t get close enough to figure out it was because I was ill. I blame society as a whole too. My mum had no idea I was ill, what if I had gone through with suicide?

Of course there were the signs of my depression. My mum is of a generation that mental illness is a taboo. I would have been another statistic of seemingly preventable death, but the resources are not there to tell my mum what was happening. I was still in primary school when depression first reared its ugly head. There was no lessons on illnesses that involve inside the brain. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I had awful experiences as a child and hatred and anger was a recurring theme. Directed towards me, and from me.

I’m only giving you this sensitive background into my past and into my mind because I’m ok with it. I can freely talk about it, in the hopes you can too. With the lack of care and resources the government is showing, we have to rely on other methods. Please look into what you can do as an individual. As a friend or family member, or as someone who suffers. I am proof that you can GET RID of depression. Yes, I now have anxiety but that is not the killer. If you have any other forms of illness, keep up with the medication. Make plans with a friend and then cancel later. Let them know you are ok.

I learnt a lot when I was throwing off depression. Anger is still a valid emotion so you gotta show it once in a while. In a healthy way. I’m still here after years and years of the disease that kills thousands of people a year and I can say I am depression free.

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